Your brain is running on empty.
You have been trying to plan things before they happen, fix it before it breaks, and hold onto it to feel safe.
I am exhausted already, as I am sure you are too.
Side note- you may LOVE watching the same movie over and over- yup The Human Need of CERTAINTY, you already know the outcome.
Have you ever wondered why some people have such an immense need to have control, while others are free and running wild with their hair blowing in the wind like a daffodil?
One of your highest needs, according to the 6 Human Needs Test produced by Chloe Madanes & Tony Robbins is CERTAINTY.
I know this one SO WELL, because it was once me.
If you never read my story before, I want to let you know that my entire life in all aspects was ruled by certainty. Let me tell you why..
I spent my childhood in fear everyday living in the unknown. When you have a father who is verbally and sometimes physically abusive and a mother who was sick since the age of 5, you start to crave some kind of order in your life. I just wanted to feel some security, safety, and comfort to know that I was going to make it though the day and if I was lucky the month without my young life being turned upside down.
I had to be a survivor, think of my feet, and prepare for what was next. This pattern introduced at such a young age became my default programming in which I led the following years searching for certainty.
I lived in fear. And fear was all I knew.
What I thought was my way out, was to think things through, analyze, them, and plan my next move. It was never an option to just do something on a whim.
(At least my analytical skills helped in my career as a private investigator- yes TRUE STORY, but we will leave that for another day)
I continued living in fear far past childhood and into my early 30's.
Fear of money - because I had nothing to fall back on.
Fear of change - because change was scary
Fear of losing everything - because I was used to having my dreams shattered
Fear of being abandoned - because I never believed in unconditional love (my limiting belief)
Fear of being alone - because I believe noone stays (another limiting belief)
Fear of dying - BECAUSE I HAD NOT YET LIVED (this was a BIG ONE)
You can imagine that my mind was probably running on empty, and the well had ran dry. I looked for security in love - but attracted the wrong relationships. I continuously attracted men
that were emotionally unavailable because I myself, had my heart closed off.
I spent 15 years working in a career that I hated, while admiring my dream from afar because I was brought up to choose stability, don't take risks. (Another BIG ONE for Certainty). So, I stayed even though my heart felt dead inside everyday because I was good at it, it paid well, and I was pretty certain I was not going to get fired.
WOW - Talk about LOST DREAMS
How did my life change and get to where I am today? On a daily basis, I accepted the practice of the unknown into my life. I took chances, small risks, and new adventures. I began trying new things (travel, road trips, cultural events, cooking, hobbies). I broke up the routine!
You know what I realized, it was not half bad! I started to feel like I was living. The dreams I had started to feel possible instead of hopeless.
After a series of events, hard work, and dedication - I had become certain that I was capable of growth and change and my need became fulfilled. I no longer had to control things, and I was free to make decisions that honored my needs and values.
The end result...
I left my job.
I took 6 months off.
I moved to my dream condo on the ocean (with no job or business) WHO TALK ABOUT RISKS!
I moved to a location which is basically an island - which although sure I can get to the mainland for a daily commute- it is not my cup of tea.
I live across the street from the ocean.
I began to build my business. (Now currently doing it for over 3 years)
Adopted a puppy. (just because he is so darn cute)