Trauma Comes in Many Different Shapes and Sizes

When you hear the word TRAUMA, what comes to mind?

Pain
Suffering

Anger
Loss
A disturbing experience
An action that broke your spirits

Physical trauma is what most people recognize and discuss but....

The silent killer is the trauma you can't see.

The invisible struggle .... 

The young child scared to come home
The woman who fears her partner, and cries herself to sleep
The student, who is bullied for simply being different
The judgment one faces is each their own, and no one pain is higher than another.

I remember for years when I was in high school my fear of public speaking.
Someone in my class was mocking me during my final report, as I spoke aloud to the class.

She mimicked my choice of words and apparently the word “like” offended her, because of my repetition.

For years, I allowed myself to be quiet and unseen in the fear of judgment

For years, I questioned everything I said aloud, afraid that word would escape my lips.

BUT no more! I remember the day I broke free, and spoke publicly for the first time.

I volunteered as a trainer to speak in a room of 50 or so colleagues, private investigators (my other hat), to teach these men how to do computer investigations.

There I was, half their age - and a woman, but I won them over with my mind! I owned that room, and was commended at the end of the lesson for the value I provided.

No snickers, No judgment, No rude comments

I had RESPECT.

I gave myself permission to be FREE and never looked back.

What are you ready to stand up to today?

It is never too late to hit the reset button.

Share Your thoughts below. 

 

XOXO
Amanda

Your Courage Catalyst

 

 

There is always room for a retake, will you make yours today?

Have you ever been told you cannot do something?
How did it make you feel?

Not good enough..
Not smart enough ..
Not worthy enough…  

You are your dreams and noone else can take that away.
The lack of belief someone has shown in your or the unkind words they shared is a reflection of them - not you.

There is always room for a retake, will you make yours today?
We can make the conscious decision if we slow down and listen, to not accept that as “truth”

Question EVERYTHING
When I say question EVERYTHING ..  I mean EVERYTHING!
Why you ask?

 If you are genuinely curious about something and your brain is focusing on GENUINE curiosity (keyword genuine) it takes your mind out of self -doubt.

The key to this is in your questions.
By asking better questions, you get better answers!

What would that look like?

Picture this:
You are getting ready to do your first public speaking, palms sweaty - nervous, so much that you want to jump on the nearest bus to anywhere, as long as you are not there.

Your mind is telling you:
You can’t do this
You are not ready for this
You are not good enough, there are other people who can do it better
And the list goes on.

When you feel that sensation of self doubt creep its way in, take a moment and reflect. Ask yourself: 
What would it look like being on stage as a successful speaker?
How would it look after the event, when people want to speak to you aside and learn more?
And so forth..

This takes your focus away from the negative place you were going into and begins the process of what is truly possible.

Yes, this takes practice- but doesn’t everything?

If you knew you could retrain how you view things and quiet self doubt - do you believe it is worth it?

You Are More Than Your Past

More than the trauma that happened to you.
More than those moments of doubt that try to snuff out your light.
More than the voices inside of your head choking your self confidence with every passing second.

Honey, you're so much more than ALL of the bad stuff and all of the good stuff combined.

Why? Because a moment can't define you. A person can't tell you who you are or what you're worth.

Only YOU can. YOU get that say.
YOU have that power. Are you ready to own it?

Ready to reframe those bad memories? Let's talk and I'll help you get there: https://my.timetrade.com/book/QVQML

 

XOXO

-Amanda

20 Questions to Reflect while Searching for your Purpose

Have you been at a standstill while you are yearning fore more, but unclear what more looks like. 


Well, grab a pen and paper because this journey we are going on is really going to get your wheels in motion! 

I went through this exercise a bit deeper in my group today if you would like to catch the replay: JOIN THE BUTTERFLY SISTERHOOD

  1. What have you done that you are truly proud of? 
  2. What is something that you can do really well?
  3. What is something you would be interested in learning to do? What steps can you take to do this today?
  4. What fires you up when you think about life?
  5. How do you define your life's purpose? 
  6. When did you last do something for the very first time and step out of your comfort zone?
  7. What are the 5 things you value most? How are you incorporating that into your life daily?
  8. How would you do things differently if the fear of judgment was no longer an option?
  9. How do you envision your life 1-5 years from now? 
  10. What is your personal definition of success?
  11. How has the fear of failure stopped you from achieving your goals? What is one small thing you can do TODAY to step past the fear?
  12. How would you define your boundaries with others? Do you struggle saying no to others?
  13. What is your personal trigger that motivates you when you are having a bad day to get back on track? (it is even better if you have more than one.)
  14. What is something that you really would like to achieve, but have brushed under the carpet? What is stopping you from doing it today?
  15. Who has hurt you that you are holding onto that you need to forgive so you can let go? Whose voice do you hear when fear comes up?
  16. What will you achieve in 6 months? What is your plan to reverse engineer it to an attainable goal?
  17. What thoughts of self doubt have you been holding onto that is preventing you from living your full life? If you made peace with those thoughts, what would be possible?
  18. STOP-PAUSE - What do you want RIGHT NOW? First thing that comes to mind? ... How are you going to make it happen?
  19. What is the the number one barrier than stands in the way of your path to fulfillment? 
  20. KEEP IT SIMPLE - 3 Words RIGHT NOW that describe your life? (Note if 3 three words do not align with the goals you have set forth what do you need to do to change that? If you cannot connect them - STOP .. WALK AWAY.. and go through the list again.  

If you have not experienced self reflection or journaling at a deep level, it is natural to go through this list a few times, and that is OK! If it was that easy, you probably would have done it already. :)

If you found this list of questions helpful but would like to be guided through it at a deeper level - Send me a message! 

Love Your Confidence Catalyst, 
Amanda
Join The Butterfly Sisterhood

PS- we are launching the next round of The Empowered Living Program in June - message me if you want to reserve your spot.  xoxo 


 

What Does Emotional Freedom Look Like To You?

What does emotional freedom look like to you?

>>> Picture this:

Your day starts immediately off on the wrong foot because you didn’t hear your alarm and overslept.

Then you go to get in the shower only to find out you have no hot water.

You’re out of your favorite coffee and you forgot your lunch on the counter as you rushed out the door.

Just when you think you’re going to catch a break and grab a taxi in 2.5 seconds, someone forces themselves in front of you and you’re left waiting on the street.

Can this day get any worse, you think as you’re almost in tears…. #overit

>>> But what if it went like this instead:

You wake up and notice the sunrise and the birds chirping outside of your window.
You look at the clock and realize you overslept and are going to be late for work.

I needed the extra sleep this morning anyway, you think as you head for the shower.

You turn on the water and realize that only cold is coming out.
You use this unexpected turn of events as an opportunity to try out a no-fuss hairstyle and save some time on your morning routine.

You head out the door just in time to see a taxi pulling up and you hail it. Just then, someone runs in front of you and steals your ride.

You wish the person well and feel thankful that you aren’t in THAT much of a hurry as you flag down the next cab.

Does that sound too good to be true???

It’s not!

That’s emotional freedom at its finest – the ability to free yourself from worry, anger, fear, and frustration… and it’s something you can learn.

It’s not that positive thinking will solve all of your problems magically, just like that.
Emotional freedom isn’t so much about positive thinking, but more about controlling your emotions instead of letting them control you.

Can you imagine a life in which you don’t feel owned by your emotions on a daily basis?
How powerful would that be?

This is just one of the concepts you’ll learn in the Empowered Living Program.

Join me and others out there just like you in a powerful 8-week group coaching program that will help you identify things that aren’t serving you and rewrite your story once and for all.

You’ll create a blueprint for how you want to feel and how you want to live – realizing that you really do have control over it all.

Want more information?
Read more about the program here:
https://www.empowerlifecoach.com/empowered-living-program

Living Life With Full Intention

Life was supposed to be different. This was not my plan.

If you asked me at 21 what direction my life was going, I was absolutely certain I had all the answers. After all, I was used to finding the answers on my own since I left home at 17 and damn near raised myself since I was 12. 

Sure my parents were there, in their own way. Not in the way I needed that is for sure. My father, well he did not believe in anything I did, and fought me every step of the way when I shared openly my dreams and who I was. My mom, well she meant well, but in many senses of the word parent - that was me. She was not the strong mother figure that gave me guidance, but what I saw as a victim, a pushover and weak.

Later to understand her voice was masked by fear.

Not fully understanding the relationship of my parents, or how they killed one another's spirits, I only saw two people, to the common eye who hated one another. They were not loving, affectionate or joyful, but lifeless and barely present. 

My father, physically and mentally abusive, struggled with my mothers mental illness which was brought on by a horrific car accident when I was 5 years old  Sure, we "walked away" from the accident alive, but alive meant nothing more than blood pumping through our veins. While I was too young to remember it in explicit detail, what I do know, is my mother's spirit died the day of that accident.

I do not know if my father was always this angry before that accident, being only 5, this is all I know. 

He stayed with my mother for about 20 years, some may say that was admirable. Dealing with mental illness on your own, being the outcast of the family, was not an easy task. Neither my mother or father chose that life, and I know I certainly did not - but it was the cards I was dealt. in a world that is scared to acknowledge this illness even exists.

I have memories of my father throwing my mother down the stairs, my mother hallucinating and barricading me in the house so noone could take me away..... I remember her laying on the floor for no reason, as if she had just given up at times, catatonic with no words. Well this is thanks to the lovely Mental Health System, which does not take you in until you are a vegetable. So every year my father and I needed to let it run its course, until her disillusions and actions were so unmanageable, that the hospital would finally accept her as a patient, if escorted in by police.  

I grew up very quick with all this on my shoulders as a child. and was years ahead of my time. 

My final year in high school, after being legally emancipated, was the best memory of those already difficult teenage years. I spent it living with a dear childhood friend, and for the first time in my life, I clearly understood the balance of living with a family. Sure, I got yelled at, I got in trouble, and fuggettaboutit if I left a dish in the sink.  This year, is when I started to develop into who I was mean to be! 

I went straight from high school into working 2 jobs and living on my own.

I had all the answers. I was going to be a fashion stylist, and have this elite life working with high end clients as their personal shopper. Eventually I would attend F.I.T. in NYC, and I would be simply ............ 

......... FABULOUS! 

Well, I was not a well known fashion stylist, and as a matter of fact - the retail store UNITS that I swore was my life, soon went out of business. Apparently NY'ers do not appreciate having someone do all of the shopping for them and need their independence in the stores.

The next twenty years of my life were dedicated to what was safe, reliable and what you are supposed to do. Who has not been told by someone in your life, that you need a good solid job with a pension? 

Well I had the stable job, but certainly no pension. And this job, while taught me many life lessons was going to be the very things that sucked the last ounce of life out of me. 

I decided this as I laid in the hospital bed.

Reflecting back on the lost years in a career I despised, I gained the gift of knowledge, responsibility and insight. Having more responsibility than one person should ever have on their plate, I did the best I could, as I always have since I was 12 years old.

After all I was used to having a-lot on my shoulders.
I did not understand life any other way! 

I knew, I could not returned back to this job, that had me in tears hiding in the bathroom or in my car, just to get away from the madness. Being bullied and put into a corner, feeling as though I had no options, and pushing me to my limits. It was time. 

I thank God every day, for pushing me to my max, testing me, so that I had the courage to step out on my own and build my dream.

My gift in life is reflecting back, and seeing the gift. I do not hold onto anger. I see a lesson in the deepest, darkest and hardest times. I am grateful to the hard times, because it has taught me to be a survivor, a fighter and ultimately resourceful in my times of uncertainty. My friends and peers have often sought me out, in difficult times, so that I could provide useful insight or tips in situations they were struggling with. Do I know everything, Of course not! But - I will figure it out, or know where to find the answers.

Life is meant to be lived, and the answers are rarely inside the box. 

So here I am today, running two successful businesses as a Personal and Business Coach, with a full service support staff to assist my clients internationally. Although coaching for 5 years, I did not fully see the potential until I left behind the career I thought was supporting me, when it was actually just breaking me - and holding me underwater. 

The sky is the limit. Once I began to apply myself fully doing what I LOVE, it was no longer work. There are days I only sleep 4 hours, not because I have to, but because I want to. Each day, I wake up to the view of the ocean from my bed and can truly say, I am living my dream. It is ok if your dream changes through the years. It is meant to shift with who you are and who you have become. I am not the same person I was at 21, although I can still rock the wardrobe! 

My story, my past is no longer a secret.

I own it. And when I accepted that my past contributed to who I am today and is why I am living the dream, that is when I healed myself from my past and forgave those who have hurt me, knowing that I have grown as a person because of each of them. 

What is your deepest pain, or the story you have been telling yourself. It may sound something like this... 

"I can't ____________ because _________________" 

Go ahead, sit with this. Because as much as you believe in your heart of hearts, that this is true, I challenge you to find the lesson you gained because of it. When you do, you will feel your heart and soul grow into the next chapter of your life, opening the door to greater possibilities. 

Amanda Scocozzo, CPC -Certified Professional Coach