What is Your Personal Emotional Default and How to Regulate it.

It is true, we all have a default response on how we handle our emotions. We default to what is familiar and feels comfortable, even if that is pain or sadness. 

Here are the three most common default emotions and how to balance them:

1. When you default emotion is something that is pulling you down where you experience sadness, doubt, fear, and worry it will take you away from the joy that you have the potential to experience but are missing out on. 

When your mind shifts into the negative default of worry, doubt, shame, or sadness it is no longer living in the present and it is either holding onto the past or worrying about the future. The goal here is to shift the mind into the present. 

Worry, fear and self doubt can account for a great deal of lost time that we will never get back. Rather than feeling imprisoned by your emotions, you can set it free by recognizing when you are stepping into a default emotion. 

2. When your emotions are more reactive (when you feel like you are constantly putting your foot in your mouth you may be responding with a default emotion and not allowing your mind the time or space to think and process There is a protection or defense that comes into play,which inhibits the ability to see the logic of what is transpiring. At this time your brain is assuming the response before it has gather the facts.

This is when you want to hit the pause button. If need be, walk away and write down the thoughts that are coming to your mind before acting on them. Then give yourself time to speak to each of them and write down what you are feeling.You will be able to process your thoughts logically and differentiate fact from assumption.

With practice, eventually you will be able to react accordingly without stepping away but just like anything else it is a practice.

3. When your emotions are masked and not your own (AKA People-Pleasers / lack of boundaries) It is important when you feel yourself shutting down and simply doing, to avoid confrontation or disappointment that you reflect on your own personal needs. 

Be aware if you are simply doing or saying yes so that you are liked, needed or simply don't rock the boat. 

You will continuously feel unfulfilled or taken advantage of if you do not set healthy boundaries. In order to set these boundaries we must be away of our own inner values, morals, and needs. 

Some self reflection is needed here, but you will find as you learn to create these healthy boundaries and meet your internal needs, not only will you feel more fulfilled but you will enhance the depth of those relationships around you. (and clear out those toxic people that do not contribute to you or the relationship) 

If you are ready to do the deep dive into some self love, message me for 1:1 coaching and let's share this journey together.


How to Let Go of the Past and Find Your Inner Hero

Do you find it hard to let go? You are not alone. 

We hold onto the memories of the past because of the emotion it is associated with. In addition, we are more likely to retain and hold onto something negative particularly if we do not have a positive balance around us. 

According to studies under Positive Psychology, did you know it takes 11 positive emotions to replace one negative emotion. Negative emotions hold much more power and space, which is why it can be very challenging to let go.

Another part that plays a significant part is our subconscious mind wants to create a safe environment. It holds onto these memories because it has a goal of protecting you, and deeply values certainty. By being certain that holding onto the pain you felt at one point, it will keep you safe from avoiding any further trouble in the future. 

I am sure by now you are wondering how to let go when it feels like the odds are against you. 

There is great power in letting your subconscious mind know that you are safe by taking small risks which trains the mind to know that the unknown and new things are ok. The mind looks for facts and proof that it will be ok to do something, this is where fear and blocks come in. 

In order to do this start by looking for the lesson and gift you gained by the paid that you endured. I know sometimes, especially when the wound is fresh it is hard to see how that is even possible. I assure you, through not only my own personal work but the work I share with my clients as a Transformational Coach that it can be done. It is important that you make peace with this and you can start by finding your hero story. 

Your hero story is the greatest version of you that walked through the struggles and came through on the other side. We all have our own version of the hero within us. I want to challenge you today, to celebrate your inner hero. 

If I can support you and you are curious about working together 1:1, please do not hesitate to reach out.

Please share with me your thoughts and questions below. You are also welcome to email me at


Trust is often unspoken, Insecurities are delivered LOUDLY

Trust is often taken for granted
Trust is the unspoken word
Trust is needed and desired to achieve peace and harmony
Trust is one of the most important characteristics but the least acknowledged

Insecurities can show up loud and ugly
Insecurities are present when a previous pain has not been healed
Insecurities are an internal dialogue begging for peace
Insecurities are the enemy of love, and will destroy anything in its path.

If trust is so important, why are we not acknowledging it when it's present? 
When trust is present, it can be shared in many ways.
Kind words
Deep connection
Let TRUST be louder than INSECURITIES and watch your relationships transform. 
More love
More joy
More fulfillment
More of YOU.

Life Begins When You Choose Yourself

Did you know .... 

Pleasing society is not why you are here. It is so easy to get wrapped up trying to fit in, not rocking the boat and making others happy. But what happens, is you begin to loose yourself along the way. 

We all have unique and beautiful gifts within us that are meant to be shared with the world.By holding them back, you are doing an injustice to others. 

Imagine what life would look like if we all playing it safe, lived in our comfort zone and did not take a chance. Besides boring, we would have missed out on some amazing developments. Don't you agree. 

You never know who needs what you have to offer, until you share it unapologetically. 
The world needs you
You need YOU - the real you that is. 

So get ready to take that leap, and if you need help finding your way in the maze of life, don't forget to reach out! I believe in you.

Let's make 2018 Your Year of Emotional Freedom


You have not failed, You just did not hold on long enough

Life can have its challenges, but how you handle them is how you will succeed.

What are your tendencies? 
When it gets hard, do you give up or walk away?
Or, are you motivated by the challenge and driven to succeed?

On the other side, 
Success can feel scary.
Success is not a direct line.
Stepping into the unknown can feel downright petrifying.

When you push through and don't give up, the greatest success is right on the other side waiting for you.
When things get hard just remember you could be moments away from the greatest success of your life. 

So many times, if you just hold on a little bit longer, your big win is waiting on the other side. 

If I can support you on your journey, don't hesitate to reach out! 


It will cost you nothing to dream, and everything not to

live your dream

How often do you find yourself taking the familiar route or what is comfortable?

It's easy to play it safe because we can never fail. When we do what it's familiar it keeps us feeling comfortable and certain of the outcome.

Even your goals are smaller than what you're truly capable of. Keeping your gold small is another form of keeping you safe.
Your subconscious mind wants nothing more than to know that you are safe from harms way. It truly does have your best interest at heart. 

Because of this, 
You avoid disappointment.
You avoid experiencing fear.
You avoid stepping into the unknown.

In the end, you've lost nothing EXCEPT LIVING.

I do not know about you, but I would rather live! So how do you do that when you are afraid to take the leap? 
Retrain your subconscious mind to know that it is safe to step into the unknown.

Try this: 
Start with something small. Do not shoot for the biggest risk you can take. Sure it would feel amazing to go sky diving, but more than likely you will convince yourself that you are not ready - and you can't do it.

Stepping out of your comfort zone does not need to be so difficult. 

Here are some ideas: 
Start a conversation with someone at the coffee shop.
Take a new way home, without navigation. 
Spend a day by yourself walking around town. 
Do something that you never did before, that you know is just a notch above what feels like your norm.

Then repeat. 

By incorporating daily small changes into your life, you are teaching and retraining your subconscious mind that the unknown is safe and you will be ok


If you are ready to dive deeper for 1:1 coaching, send me a note: 

Make Love to Your Money & Cure the Negative Fear of Debt

If you have fallen victim to the overwhelm of debt, wanting to hold onto your money, or  struggle with keeping the numbers all in your head, let this video reframe your relationship to money

In the video below, we will discuss these simple 4 steps to change your relationship with money. 

  1. Use your debt to motivate you.
  2. Don't take your money for granted, be grateful for your money. Bless your money as it comes in and out. 
  3. Be organized with your money. By having a budget you can approach your money logically rather than emotionally and eliminate the triggers.
  4. When you pay your bills, this is a gift, and honor it as such If you have the money to pay your obligations, this in turn means you have money. 


Learn more & sign up for my 4 Week Financial Empowerment Course

Why the Need for Control is Ruining Your Life

Your brain is running on empty.
You have been trying to plan things before they happen, fix it before it breaks, and hold onto it to feel safe.
I am exhausted already, as I am sure you are too. 

Side note- you may LOVE watching the same movie over and over- yup The Human Need of CERTAINTY, you already know the outcome.

Have you ever wondered why some people have such an immense need to have control, while others are free and running wild with their hair blowing in the wind like a daffodil? 

One of your highest needs, according to the 6 Human Needs Test produced by Chloe Madanes & Tony Robbins is CERTAINTY

I know this one SO WELL, because it was once me. 
If you never read my story before, I want to let you know that my entire life in all aspects was ruled by certainty. Let me tell you why..

I spent my childhood in fear everyday living in the unknown. When you have a father who is verbally and sometimes physically abusive and a mother who was sick since the age of 5, you start to crave some kind of order in your life. I just wanted to feel some security, safety, and comfort to know that I was going to make it though the day and if I was lucky the month without my young life being turned upside down. 

I had to be a survivor, think of my feet, and prepare for what was next. This pattern introduced at such a young age became my default programming in which I led the following years searching for certainty

I lived in fear. And fear was all I knew. 
What I thought was my way out, was to think things through, analyze, them, and plan my next move. It was never an option to just do something on a whim. 
(At least my analytical skills helped in my career as a private investigator- yes TRUE STORY, but we will leave that for another day)

I digress.. 

I continued living in fear far past childhood and into my early 30's. 
Fear of money - because I had nothing to fall back on. 
Fear of change - because change was scary
Fear of losing everything - because I was used to having my dreams shattered
Fear of being abandoned - because I never believed in unconditional love (my limiting belief) 
Fear of being alone - because I believe noone stays (another limiting belief) 
Fear of dying - BECAUSE I HAD NOT YET LIVED (this was a BIG ONE) 

You can imagine that my mind was probably running on empty, and the well had ran dry. I looked for security in love - but attracted the wrong relationships. I continuously attracted men
that were emotionally unavailable because I myself, had my heart closed off.

I spent 15 years working in a career that I hated, while admiring my dream from afar because I was brought up to choose stability, don't take risks. (Another BIG ONE for Certainty). So, I stayed even though my heart felt dead inside everyday because I was good at it, it paid well, and I was pretty certain I was not going to get fired.

WOW - Talk about LOST DREAMS

How did my life change and get to where I am today? On a daily basis, I accepted the practice of the unknown into my life. I took chances, small risks, and new adventures. I began trying new things (travel, road trips, cultural events, cooking, hobbies). I broke up the routine! 

You know what I realized, it was not half bad! I started to feel like I was living. The dreams I had started to feel possible instead of hopeless. 

After a series of events, hard work, and dedication - I had become certain that I was capable of growth and change and my need became fulfilled. I no longer had to control things, and I was free to make decisions that honored my needs and values. 

The end result... 

I left my job. 
I took 6 months off.
I moved to my dream condo on the ocean (with no job or business) WHO TALK ABOUT RISKS! 
I moved to a location which is basically an island - which although sure I can get to the mainland for a daily commute- it is not my cup of tea. 
I live across the street from the ocean. 
I began to build my business. (Now currently doing it for over 3 years)
Found love
Got engaged
Adopted a puppy. (just because he is so darn cute) 


My Puppy  

Yes, he deserved a featured photo-
don't you agree?)        

Now, are you curious where you score on the 6 Human Needs Quiz? So am I! So go ahead and click the button below and I will personally review the quiz for you and let you know which two needs are dominating your life and how it is impacting you. 

Leave your thoughts and comments below, especially if you love my puppy. He loves compliments. 


Understanding the Six Human Needs: Certainty

If you knew anything was possible, what would you do differently? 
Would you take more risks? 
Live each moment like it was your last? 
Be more bold? 

What about your relationships? 
Would you lead with more love? 
Share more of yourself?
Be more ready to receive?

What if I told you that you can have this with just a small shift? 
If you are someone who likes to know the outcome before it happens..
If you like to know if it will work out before you try..
If you like to be in control, not only of your own life but possibly those around you..

You are probably driven by the Human Need of Certainty. 
Want to know how to make the changes? This quiz will provide the answers to your two highest needs, and I will personally review your results and share the small changes with you that could change your life.

This is the number one thing I work through with my clients, so please know you are not alone.
This was me too.

Do you want to shift from being paralyzed by the unknown into embracing life? 

>>>>TRY THIS<<<< 

Being Wrong is Pretty Damn Awesome

Being wrong is pretty damn good!
You are no longer living in ego
You are open to what is possible
You have let go of the need to be certain.

You have embraced possibility & the unknown by stepping out of your comfort zone.

You put yourself out there and stopped worrying about what others are thinking.
You are no longer playing on the sidelines.

You are taking risks and let go o f the need to prove yourself.

You are learning & growing.
You are on a pathway to expansion. 
Bring wrong never felt so good!


Thoughts? Share them below! 


Being Right is OUT, Being Creative is IN

Being right is based on knowledge from the past, that could potentially even be outdated. 
Being right comes from ego.
Being right has a certain level of rigidity

Experience can also get you feeling comfortable, stagnant or closed.

Now creativity and the ability to see a problem through is where the magic happens.

Take the perfect recipe of knowledge, creativity and curiosity …. And that is someone you want in your corner

The mind is engaged in the past, present and future of the problem - creating a very strong individual with limitless bounds.


Share your thoughts below


The Confidence Series Day 4: Stop Looking for the Perfect Opportunity

Say What? You mean GIVE UP? 
Look at what is in front of you. What idea have you started and not finished? What was the story you kept telling yourself as to why you did not follow through? 
I am bored
This is not fun.
I don't know how.

That is what you need to return to. You and only you are sabotaging yourself. You are the only one giving up. You are the the only one that thinks you can't do it. 

Waiting for the perfect opportunity is an AKA for  
"I am scared"

Let's prove to yourself that you can do it. 

Revisit an incomplete project, what was the story you told yourself when you did not see it through til the end? 

Let's build up the confidence muscle by doing it, sound good? So here is what you need to do to get ready:

Build your Confidence Muscle - just like an athlete by training the mind:

  1. Preparation builds confidence

  2. Mental tools reinforce confidence

  3. Adversity ingrains confidence (which way will you feel stronger if everything was easy or if you overcome and succeed)

  4. Support increases confidence

  5. Validate your confidence through successful outcomes

Ok, now you have the tools to get this baby in motion. 

Before diving in, ask yourself this: 
1. What is the result of following through? 
2. What is the ideal outcome? 
3. How will it impact your life by completing it? 
4. What is possible from here? 
5. How will you make it happen? 

Share your thoughts and questions below, and let's put it into action! 

Want more? Stayed tuned for the Confidence series tomorrow: If you have not failed, you are not really trying.

The Confidence Series DAY 3 How to be Solution Focused

When we focus on problems, we focus on lack. What happens when we see lack? 

  • Doubt 
  • Self Criticism
  • Give Up 
  • Don't follow through 

Let's work on shifting that to solving the problem, changing the focus and taking action! 
No More Excuses... 
"They stole my idea"
"Noone is listening to me"
"I don't have time"
"I am not good enough" 

Let's take a time when you got stuck, you were complaining and gave up.

1. Envision the moment and notice your feelings and thoughts.
2. Imagine yourself as an observer, looking over the room. A balcony above the room....
3. As an observer (not yourself) what do you notice? 
4. What do you think you could have done different? 
5. What was missing? 

The purpose of this, is to see your situation from the outside and give yourself an opportunity to be unbiased. 

Now as an observer imagine sharing this with You as a third party. 
What comes up for you? 

With this newfound knowledge, what is possible from here, the best possible outcome?
What do you need to make that happen? 
What could you do to make it even better? 

Who do you need to be to make this happen?

Share your thoughts and questions below ..
Want more ... 
Stay Tuned tomorrow for Day 4: Stop Looking for the Next Perfect Moment

The Confidence Series Day 2: Embrace the Haters

Empower Life Coach

If your focus is on doing things to fit in VS doing it to make a difference, think about how differently you are showing up. 

If you take the easy road, at least noone is judging you right? 

What if you gave it 110% of yourself and embraced the judgment as an opportunity to grow?

Instead of beating yourself up and giving iup, you can see it in 2 ways: 

1. Think of a time you were judged and how it affected you.Did you give up and hide or doubt yourself? 
2. Did you take advantage of it as an opportunity to grow and do better? 

If you selected number 1, let's try and put a different spin on it, ok?
A. Ask for feedback
2. Ask how you can improve
3. If you did not receive critical feedback then ask yourself these questions. 
4. Then ask yourself, what do I need to do TO BE GREAT?

If you shift your mind into how you can improve and away from self doubt, rejection or disappointment you will see the world as an opportunity to grow and expand to your highest potential. 

Know that we are all learning and growing everyday.

Want More? Stay Tuned for Day 3: How to be solution focus rather than problem oriented.

The Confidence Series:Stop trying to fit in & Start Standing Out

We are so programmed and conditioned to tone it down and fit in. We are programmed to do it right, not the best. 
We are concerned about getting "likes" or being liked.

We focus on pleasing others rather than pleasing ourselves 

It is time to stop putting yourself last, and condition yourself to strive to be great. 

Isn't it time for you to start shining and be what you were destined for? 

Start with these steps, and then post your results below. Let me know what comes up for you.

1. What is your goal? What is it that you were afraid to do, and have been keeping under the radar? What is the best version of this story? (HINT: take your dream and amplify it by 10) 

2. Outline the steps towards doing what you did not think you could do. (And do it)

3. Notice what comes up for you (we need to get rid of those negative Nelly's) 

4. Now that you have the awareness of your "go to" thoughts, start imagining the opposite. 

What is the opposite - How does that work?  

Well let's say that your default thought/story is "If I do this, people won't like me anymore" 

Do it.. 

And guess what - do you really want to be liked for a person you are not? If people back off, awesome - you just found out who is really a true friend. And I don't know about you, but I would rather have less people around that love me for me, than a bunch of people around who do not even know who I am! 

Let me know how it goes and if you find yourself getting stuck along the way.

Stay tuned for the confidence series Day 2 Embrace the Haters


Life is a Choice

Life is a choice.

Sure, things happen. 
We have all had our share of ups and downs.
It's important to be aware of the impact of our emotions.

If you begin to look at life around you, that things are happening for you and not to you it can open a world of possibilities.

Take a situation, any situation... and explore it with curiosity.
What is the lesson?
What can you take away?
How can you grow?

When we stop growing, we die inside. 
Life is always a lesson, but your mind needs to be open to receive it.

Think about a time when everything was going wrong.
What did you say to yourself?
How did these circumstances affect the relationships around you?

Don't get me wrong, I am not saying that you need to be a ball of sunshine every moment. 
What I am saying is to keep it in perspective.

It's very easy to let things get the best of us. 
Step away, take a moment and look for the lesson.

Watch your world change.

XO- Amanda 


You Control Your Day, Your Day Doesn't Control You

NEW morning..
NEW day... 
NEW opportunities...

Shape your day to accomplish your goals, don't let your day shape you!

What does this mean?

Have you ever woken up, overslept, spilled your coffee, and was late for an appointment ... finally declaring "oh, this is going to be a bad day"

STOP right there.

It's not a bad day. This is exactly when you are rushing, you need to SLOW DOWN. Give yourself that 2 minute pause, to be grateful.

It goes something like this:

I am grateful for my home. (Envision your home as you think about it, particularly your favorite spot)

I am grateful for the air I breathe ( and take a breathe with that thought)

I am grateful for my family (think back to a cherished moment)

The things you are grateful for, can be big or small, but take the moment to see it in your mind. Not simply the statement aloud. Engage your senses.

You control your day, your day doesn't control you.

The 5 Steps of Letting Go of Past Hurt

The 5 Steps of Letting Go of Past Hurt

1. Make the conscious decision to let go. The conscious commitment is required, because it simply does not go away on its own.

2. Express your pain. Find a way that feels like a healthy release and give it the energy and time to process. Your pain can be expressed through journaling, talking with someone you trust, or even a physical release. (Like hitting a pillow)

3. Release yourself from the victims mind. End the dwelling of blaming others. What happened is in the past now and it cannot be changed. Find the lesson or the gift you can take away. It may be as simple as being there for someone else that needs you. Giving can be one of the best ways for healing ( look at some of the people who inspire you most. You will find that most people with a deep commitment to help others have experienced great level of pain themselves. Your pain can be your gift.)

4. Forgive them and forgive yourself. ( a great reminder. Forgiveness is for you not the other person. Holding on to the pain or anger about what happened is only hurting you. It will never change the other person. But it could destroy you by holdi

Trauma Comes in Many Different Shapes and Sizes

When you hear the word TRAUMA, what comes to mind?


A disturbing experience
An action that broke your spirits

Physical trauma is what most people recognize and discuss but....

The silent killer is the trauma you can't see.

The invisible struggle .... 

The young child scared to come home
The woman who fears her partner, and cries herself to sleep
The student, who is bullied for simply being different
The judgment one faces is each their own, and no one pain is higher than another.

I remember for years when I was in high school my fear of public speaking.
Someone in my class was mocking me during my final report, as I spoke aloud to the class.

She mimicked my choice of words and apparently the word “like” offended her, because of my repetition.

For years, I allowed myself to be quiet and unseen in the fear of judgment

For years, I questioned everything I said aloud, afraid that word would escape my lips.

BUT no more! I remember the day I broke free, and spoke publicly for the first time.

I volunteered as a trainer to speak in a room of 50 or so colleagues, private investigators (my other hat), to teach these men how to do computer investigations.

There I was, half their age - and a woman, but I won them over with my mind! I owned that room, and was commended at the end of the lesson for the value I provided.

No snickers, No judgment, No rude comments


I gave myself permission to be FREE and never looked back.

What are you ready to stand up to today?

It is never too late to hit the reset button.

Share Your thoughts below. 



Your Courage Catalyst



There is always room for a retake, will you make yours today?

Have you ever been told you cannot do something?
How did it make you feel?

Not good enough..
Not smart enough ..
Not worthy enough…  

You are your dreams and noone else can take that away.
The lack of belief someone has shown in your or the unkind words they shared is a reflection of them - not you.

There is always room for a retake, will you make yours today?
We can make the conscious decision if we slow down and listen, to not accept that as “truth”

When I say question EVERYTHING ..  I mean EVERYTHING!
Why you ask?

 If you are genuinely curious about something and your brain is focusing on GENUINE curiosity (keyword genuine) it takes your mind out of self -doubt.

The key to this is in your questions.
By asking better questions, you get better answers!

What would that look like?

Picture this:
You are getting ready to do your first public speaking, palms sweaty - nervous, so much that you want to jump on the nearest bus to anywhere, as long as you are not there.

Your mind is telling you:
You can’t do this
You are not ready for this
You are not good enough, there are other people who can do it better
And the list goes on.

When you feel that sensation of self doubt creep its way in, take a moment and reflect. Ask yourself: 
What would it look like being on stage as a successful speaker?
How would it look after the event, when people want to speak to you aside and learn more?
And so forth..

This takes your focus away from the negative place you were going into and begins the process of what is truly possible.

Yes, this takes practice- but doesn’t everything?

If you knew you could retrain how you view things and quiet self doubt - do you believe it is worth it?